Dear Unread Universe,
So I am going to try and make my thoughts make sense, but I will not apologize if they don't. Pain is inescapable. If anything I have truly begun to learn is that. Oh how long have I run from pain. I ran as fast as I could to a retreat where I believed that if I just hide they couldn't find me. However, I have finally realized that the only way to heal is to process the pain. For many other people this is obvious. Sure, we wish that we were raised in families where Dad, Mom, and our siblings represented the truth in our lives, but I have yet to find a family where there isn't something off in those areas. There are people who defend there decision to believe that such a "Utopia" where such a family exists, but it does not. Of course, in accepting that reality leaves a small door open to feel like a failure in being a parent or being a child. Accepting that no one was raised perfecting; however, opens the door for us to process the pain of our childhood and restore the union that was always intended to be between us and "Daddy God, Jesus, and Holy Spirit." In admitting the wrongs that have been inflicted on us it is equally important to consider that for the most part our parents and siblings were unaware of the hurts that they were inflicting. Although, dealing with the reality of my childhood has been one of the most painful things I have experienced. I want to so desperately to believe that it never happen, that I had perfect parents, that I had perfect siblings...Ha! I think for me its been the hardest thing to cry. I want to cry so badly, but I've worked so hard for so many years to pretend that I've dealt with the things in the past, but I just pushed them down. Honestly, I convinced myself that I would be unburdening others by keeping it to myself, but I didn't I only hurt others and myself more. Because, every reaction that we have to every situation comes from something off on the inside. Some lie on the inside. I ask myself "why would you come out and write this on a blog?" Perhaps, its just for my own sanity to be real with myself. So, I'm processing and it's ugly...But I am looking towards the prize of true healing just on the horizon I know it will come. I trust Papa God! I trust Him. He is faithful to me forever and a day. #process #grace #faithfulness
