The Great Sadness

I have entered into a period I call, "The great sadness." I know I took that title from somewhere, but I can't remember where anymore. It's like this weekend all the pain that I have been going through all year long suddenly turned into sadness. I don't know what I wish to accomplish in writing this down, but maybe in a small way it will help to process the sadness. The sad thing about the sadness is that for so long I have wanted to cry, but couldn't. I felt like Cameron Diaz in "The Holiday" where she could never cry when she wanted to. Me either! I think in the great sadness I am finally learning that I have to accept others compassion for me. When I would talk to someone about what awful things were happening in my life, they would say how 'sorry' they were for my troubles, and I would immediately say "Oh it's not that big of a deal... WHO WAS I KIDDING?!?!?! Did it just hit me! THIS SUCKS! And it's still not over! Hey, the good thing is I am writing some awesome songs lol! Adele, won't have anything on me when I'm finished. Except, they won't be brake up songs....exactly. Maybe not breaking up with girlfriend songs, more like family and soul breakup. Well, I don't know that I have really processed anything else. I guess you could say that I am slow processor, because this whole thing started 9 months ago, and I am finally starting to grieve. Maybe, part of me didn't want to believe it, or didn't want to have to acknowledge there was 'one more' weight on my shoulders. Random, but have you ever noticed how quickly people get other things in movies?? For some reason I have been watching a lot of chick-flicks lately and my gosh it's so unrealistic. They just jump from one person or another, and somehow this doesn't shatter them on the inside. Oh well...I just feel sorry for the people who believe that love is really like that, that you can actually through your heart around...news flash it's like glass. Sooner or later someone's gonna drop it. Anyway, that's all that's here. For now, that is.