"Healing the Cracks"

Many may not know that I am writing a book about my life. Wow, it just sounds funny when I admit it. I am writing, because I have been asked to write my story down for years, and so now I am finally doing it. At first, I felt stupid in thinking that someone would even want to read my story, but now I realize that it has formed a deeper healing in me the more I write. So, I wanted to share a clip from "Healing the Cracks" with all of you...whoever you are. So, here it is....

I was in the pent house of my dorm, and it was almost 1am. I starred out of the window at the city lights. This was one of the few places I felt safe to cry. I was so alone, and almost hopeless as I begged God to take away my pain. I wanted so desperately to know that I could truly see the love of God. I knew He loved me, but I wanted to ‘experience’ it. I continued to stare out of the window as the time slowly passed. It must be close to 2 or 3 am by now. Suddenly I seemed to leave my body. It seemed as if I floated over the city for a minute, before I began to watch cities flash before me, and then I heard God speak to me, “I am going to take you around the world, and use you to MANIFEST my love on a level the world has never seen...” As if the whole experience hadn’t just took place, I was suddenly back on the floor starring out the window. Had God really said He was going to use me to show the world His MANIFESTED love? Does He know that I don’t know His love? I had come to this penthouse, because I had just fell subject to temptation and I was repented for falling yet again... Here God was telling me He was going to use ME? ME! Had He forgotten why I was up here? As in response, the presence of God began to surround me, and I felt him loving on me. 

I’ve heard it said that God’s word will come in a time that is completely contrary to it, to show us the power that his word has the power to bring itself to past. He had spoken a word to me that was completely contrary to my life at the time. I had never experienced His love, but that didn’t stop God from declaring it over me. As humans, we often see things in there present state. We  view people in their world of pain, or we unconsciously attach someone’s wounds to their identity. However, God sees things in their fullness, and in their original purpose. He chooses to remove our wounds from our identity, and empower the true nature of who we are on the inside. The words of Paul come to mind in these statements... “As we behold in a mirror the glory of God...” For so many years, I was so afraid of what I would see in the mirror, I never looked. However, when I finally ventured to look, I realized God had been waiting to not reveal my flaws, but His nature to heal. I saw in the mirror who He had died for me to be, and what He had paid for me to be free, and the love that surrounded every part of my being.

I was familiar with His love, but I had no clue what was really coming my way on that horizon... 

Our world is full of the orphan spirit, more than any other generation has ever witnessed. Not only are we fatherless in the natural, but we have been raised in the church to view God as an orphan. We don’t know that it was Papa Daddy God, not just God, that sent Jesus to die for us.

Although it is my belief that experiencing pain is inevitable. We can choose to process the pain, and see healing come through an amazing encounter with Daddy God’s love in the very arms of the creator himself. Here is my story with Papa...

Let me know what you think.... :)