October 8, 2011 11:00PM Mineral Wells, Texas Holiday Inn (Stairwell)
WATER NIGHT
How many times have I written the line... “I never thought I’d be here...?” Countless. Still here I am...saying, I never thought I’d be here. I am not afraid of the pain as I used to be. But, there is still the unfamiliarity of it all. Sure, I’ve had a whirlwind of pain throughout my entire childhood, but this is very different. Because, I know THIS pain is necessary. Contrary to so many years I thought I was the terrible victim to a never ending evil plot. I could run, but the plot and the killer would always find me, and inevitably they would.
It’s almost humorous to think of the setting when writing this. I am here in the middle of nowhere. In the stairwell, in a tiny Texas town called Mineral Wells. Outside it’s dark and the rain pours endlessly on the windows. How appropriate the whole thing is. To top the whole endeavor off, “Water Night” by Eric Whitacre plays in my earphones. Perhaps, it is truly a “water night.” The water is a mixture of confusion, dreams, pain, happiness, sorrow, madness, joy, victory and defeat. The thought then remains. Does the water truly lead to wells in your soul? Maybe, if the water is your own tears. Of course, it does. My soul is a pool of well water.
However, the frustration remains just below the surface, because it is still difficult to let the tears go at all. I feel there need to be released building behind my longing eyes, and yet they stay plugged to their home.
Still the unwavering feeling of hope continues to feel my soul. Where does it all come from? I have yet to finally let myself become completely overwhelmed in the mist all of this stuff. Its like I know that there is so much to go through, but I am not worried that it will somehow all work out. Of course, I can’t begin to tell you how or when, but I just know that it will. Although it does not downplay the present pain or confusion that still lingers around me, but it does settle my soul somewhat.
So for now, let it be a...“Water Night...”
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